I was bored so i wrote this about tripline and zartek, one a irish garda, the other a chemist with a hatred for crime. Enjoy:
It was a typical Irish bar. In the corner, sat Dermot, finishing off what might be called, by those not gifted with sight, or smell, a meat pie. his Irish wolfhound, (or as the Irish would call him, a wolfhound) Clover, sat staring forlornly at his master, hoping for a morsel. The grease covered bar complimented the smoke stained walls, which gave away all too well that the proprietor was not up on the latest cleaning chemicals.
The bar 'maid', of which the term can only loosely be coined, was wearing a tank top, that was clearly three sizes too large, not that it mattered, because no one was interested anyway.
Zartek sighed 'Whats the matter?' Asked tripline, quaffing back his third pint of Guinness.
'We're just not getting anywhere, these bastards are getting away with it, and we have no leads'
'Dont worry' said Tripline 'we will get the bastards, this after all is only a small typical southern isirsh fishing town, there isn't many places where these bastards can hide such a large quantity of drugs'
'I know, I know, it just stinks that's all.' Zartek went to punch a fist on the bar counter, thought better of it, put on a rubber glove, and bashed the counter. 'our only lead lead to this pub, and It's deserted.'
'Cheer up, have a beer, were getting paid to drink!' Tripline said, with a hint of a smile on his face,
Zartek perked up a little, almost smiled, only intensified by the black sunglasses he always wore, even inside, Due to a failed chemical experiment during his days as a young lab technician , where a chemical had gone up in his face, making him very sensitive to light.
'I guess i could hone my chemical skills identifying all the different substances that are floating around in my beer'
Tripline turned his head 'Just don't tell me, ОK? I want to slеep tonight'
'Bar....woman!'‚ tripline called; 'A pint of your best for my friend over here'
the barmaid turned, picked up a glass from the shelf behind her, then pulled a pint from the only pump on the counter.
Tripline went back to staring into his beer, scratched his chin, a hint of stubble making a rasping sound as he contemplated what they could do next.
'Maybe I should take a break, we've been on this case for over a week, and i haven't even washed'
'I know,' Zartek said, 'With my enhanced chemists smell, i can detect 6 days and 4 hours old sweat on you, and is that... cordite?'
'Yeah, well i have to keep my eye in' Tripline said 'me being a black-belt in gunfighting and all, from my career as a private bodyguard, remember? I have to practice every now and again'
'Whats wrong?' Tripline asked, 'you Havent touched your beer'
Zartek put on another pair of rubber gloves, after putting the ones he used to bash the bar counter in a bio hazard bag, that he carried everywhere. 'I don't know, I just have a feeling, I can smell something, and its not cigarette smoke, or unwashed garda'
'Hey, its been a tough week,' said Tripline.
'Shut up, let me concentrate' Zartek lifted up the glass, 'drink this for me will you?' He asked Tripline.
'Yeah sure,' says tripline, finishing the entire pint in what looked like one swallow.
'Now pass me the glass' Zartek looked, then sniffed the empty glass, its grease lined exterior beguiling zartek as to what it was he was trying to find.
'I thought so' He put the glass down, stood up, a certain intensity that can only come from a mystery solved.
'Good..... woman! I must see your dishwasher!'
'piss off' she said, snatching the glass away, her eyes giving away the confusion and surprise that was obvious to tripline, an expert in interrogation
Tripline stood up, the bar stool creaking, not from age, but from the weight of the muscle that was being removed from its normally sturdy frame. 'You heard what he said, show us your dishwasher'
The woman, obviously not the brightest of linguists, replied again 'I said, piss off' Followed by 'BARNEY, get DОWN hеre'
There was an ominous creaking of stairs accompanied by what sounded like a boulder being thrown down a set of stairs.
The door behind the bar slammed open‚ revealing 6 foot of fat, muscle, and a visual absence of a cranium.'Fuck do you want?' It said.
'Ah, you must be barney, we need to see your dishwasher'
'Piss off,' it said, taking a step towards zartek
Tripline stepped between Barney and zartek 'dont make me take my hat off', tripline said, he wore a hat everywhere, partly to hide his baldness, partly to hide the 6" scar scored into his skull by a combat knife as he was escorting the sultan of abdujulan through a particularly rough part of limerick, many years ago.
'fuck you gonna do about it,' barney helpfully pointed out
tripline carefully removed his hat, whose thick rim contained a telescopic fighting pole, used by the Tibetan pole monks of punjawi 'This pole' he said, casually extending it to its full length 'In the right hands, can remove a mans fingers, ears, and kneecaps, without ever moving more than 4 feet. would you like to see?' Dramatically twisting the pole with a flair of his hands, he moved into the stance he lovingly called the 'shit stomper' 'Normally, the Tibetan pole monks of punjawi don't teach their methods of fighting to outsiders, but after protecting their leader during a raid by their arch rivals, where i killed 16 men with my bear hands, they decided to teach me. I was only doing my job, but they didn't see it like that'
Now barney, while not being the brightest of sparks, got the message, and decided to back down. He stepped away from the door.
'Thank you,' said Zartek. 'No need to show me where it is, i can smell the chemicals from the dishwasher tablets'
The dishwasher itself was in a moldy damp back room, accompanied by a porcelain sink, which was cracked, and a worktable that had seen better days. it was leaking water all over the stone floor, and was rattling away, busy attempting to sluice off a portion of the muck that stuck tenaciously to the sides of the pint glasses it contained.
'I need to fully examine this dishwasher' Zartek said
Tripline complied by removing it, pipes and all, from the wall, and depositing it in the center of the small room
'What are you looking for?' He asked
Zartek replied by holding up a sealed clear plastic bag, which was dripping water onto the already wet floor. 'This' he said. The bag contained a considerable amount of weed.
'I suppose you're going to tell me how you know it was there,' Tripline said, sitting at the bar, after cuffing barney, who after a small fight, where he lost a fingernail and a portion of his remaining teeth, and the barmaid, asked, while gulping down another pint.
Zartek looked up, smiling. 'Well, I got my first clue from the tank top the barmaid was wearing. The stain on the back of her tank top I noticed, is a cleaning agent often used in dishwashers, this surprised me, as these glasses look like they haven't been cleaned in years' He stepped out of the way of the door to the back, to make way for the drug dog team, who were searching the rest of the building.
'This lead me to wonder why the glasses were not cleaner, obviously the dishwasher was not working properly, though if it was me who owned a pub, i would get my dishwasher repaired.'
'Have you noticed where we are?' Tripline commented sarcastically.
'Yes, which lead me to my next clue. This place is a hole, but it has a brand new plasma screen on the wall behind the bar, and the walls are streaked with cigarette smoke, but you can hardly smell it. This means that the place has a pretty good air conditioning system, those things cost a lot of money. now it is safe to assume, that if that is the case, they can afford a good dishwasher, or at least to have one repaired. This lead me to examine the glasses more closely. I could smell there was something i was missing. Then i noticed it, the faint smell of marijuana.'
'Ah, it all makes sense now! What you are saying is the bag which held the marijuana was hidden inside the components of the dishwasher, which was leaking the drug into the water used to clean the glasses! Оbviously, this was causеd by them hiding the drugs inside the dishwasher‚ whereby removing the ѕidе‚ they voided the warranty, meaning they couldn't get a repairman in to fix it!'
'Exactly' zartek ѕaid
'oncе again Zartek‚ your noѕе has given us a lead. Now to interrogate these two and find out who their suppliers are'
'Nice work zartek'
zartek.jpg
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