Red Letter Molle Matrimonial Edition
Ring out ye bells! Molle has wed! Following in the footsteps of Remedial with his KFC wedding banquet‚ Molle grants us an intimate glimpse of the glamorous life of an internet spaceship baron. The picture above shows just how crazy and out-of-control his bachelor party got, with literally
several people there, many fat enough to pass for goons. Actually, he's looking pretty svelte for an old guy, if a little confused, but remember he is in his nineties so that's to be expected.
I have no intention of getting myself sued but, having seen the PL dossier on Molle's gushing bride, I will say that he has apparently picked himself up one hell of an, ummm ...
kooky life partner. As for her, who
wouldn't jump at the opportunity to snatch up someone with the ability to fix her air-conditioning at any time of the day or night (so long as there's not a mandatory CTA on, of course)? The ex-wife who got the heave-ho might be a little bitter at being dropped for a younger model, given the years of putting up with him alt-tabbing away from chats when she same near and complaining that she has no idea how stressful like as a space feudal lord is. Now, he can pass the evenings with merry quips like "there's a red pen called, form-up is in the bedroom at 2030, don't have any plans until 2038 at the earliest, and I'll be bringing my titan!"
And yet Molle chose not to invite us! Like fat versions of the evil fairy from the Sleeping Beauty, we have every reason to be offended. Internet detectives, you have your target: bring us the full colour photoshoot and details. Much of the info above came from ace journalist DBRB, who claimed that the picture was actually of the wedding ceremony itself, and that the fact that the bride-to-be was holding a tube marked "Clone-a-Willy" was simply typical of the relaxed Swedish attitude towards the marital state, so I'm sceptical of my source.
Welcome Home ОEG
If you go down to systеm
7T6P-C today‚ you're sure of a big surprise. Yes, it's a Russian Bear reference: when TCF hand that system over to us we're going to hand it straight on to our newest
https://goonfleet.com/public/style_e.../gf-shobon.gif member corp, who else but ОE-muthafuckin'-G, with thеir space newbie pals in OEG Academy in a two-for-one deal.
A bit of background here: when Free Space Tech joined us‚ last month, I had a chorus of people saying to me "hey Endie you should speak to ОEG and try and gеt them back!" Frustratingly‚ I couldn't really reply despite the fact that negotiations were well under way by then. In fact, I never stopped speaking to Papa Digger after they left us, and would nag him endlessly about how the other people who wanted them might be cool and all (well, except Stella Polaris) but would they make T-Shirts about them? And would they make disturbing slash fiction starring Papa Digger, Harry Potter and Jean Luc Picard?
I think not. Them joining us down in Curse was one result of those conversations. And, more recently, when they were deciding between a number of suitors, I was able to just point to how well things were going and suggest that it was time to come home.
This is basically vindication not just for Mittens' reforms of the alliance, but for the whole alliance itself: we basically got to the point where even ОEG was drivеn out in despair. Now‚ they look at us and think "that's more like the Goons we loved being in" and are coming back.
Now, remember that joining an alliance like Goonswarm can be a confusing and bewildering experience for anyone, but I have a funny feeling that this particular group of
https://goonfleet.com/public/style_e.../gf-shobon.gif newbies might just fit right in.
Russian Civil War
Some of our Russians are reinforcing towers placed by some of other Russians, and much hilarity is ensuing as I log into jabber each morning and try to smooth things over before our Renowned Space Tyrant drags himself out of his pit of sloth, some time in Madison's mid-afternoon. Nobody really understands quite what is going on but it's rather funny from the outside.
Anyway, the upshot is that if you jump into your favourite ratting system and find a bunch of Russian goons all shooting each other you should probably just pick a side - either will do - and go to town. Tell them I sent you.
Diplomat
When I joined Goonswarm, back in 2007, Vile Rat was already the head diplomat. Оf coursе‚ he was also head of the Goonswarm Free Trade Zone, which was basically a Remedialesque, lolbertarian way to expend huge amounts of effort persuading Goons not to shoot blues while simultaneously making enough profit from pseudo-renters to fuel three medium towers in Detorid, but we'll skip over that bit.
Anyway, a while ago Vile Rat burned out a bit, and I took over as head diplomat for the alliance while he took a break. By last week, he was clearly refreshed, positively uncontrollable, and was already running around speaking to half of Eve's leaders, who he knows from attending their childrens' Bar Mitzvahs or whatever. So I went to The Mittani and suggested that, since I do huge amounts of other stuff anyway, Vile Rat be put back in charge of the prestigious role of getting whined at by pubbies who you lot victimised to the tune of All Their Stuff, so he is now Chief Diplomat again.
I'm going to take a second to be smug here, since I've not abused the weekly updates to do so before and because I'm pretty proud of my diplomatting experience. Partly that was due to getting us a place to crash with TCF then a whole region afterwards; finding us the Cursed war; saving our relationship with the NC when they were about to reset us and a bunch of other stuff. But mainly it is because in a single week I managed to tell people to shoot four different blue alliances, one of them twice, and still end up with goons getting paid for the trouble by their targets. I'll still be doing special diplomatic projects but Vile rat is now back in charge.
Eurosquad
About a weeek ago, Moon Kitten sent me a plaintive message. "Why, oh Endie, do you despise the cries of your people? Why do you not hear the lamentations of the newbies?" GSG9 - the European timezone squadron - had been basically moribund since its founding, and we had new members stumbling across it and asking if it was all some terribly subtle joke.
So, since then, I have been concentrating a lot of my time on reviving our Euro timezone. No vets wanted the job, so I put a three-week-old newbie - Dominionix - in charge. After reassuring him that Fade was not the name of an enemy alliance and a precautionary briefing on the importance of "always posting" and "never stopping posting", I put aside the virtual certainty that he would turn out to be a spy and told him to get on with it.
We needed a name, and I turned to a group universally held to be the top branding agency in today's Eve online: the Epsilon Creative Consultancy Group. Within hours they had assembled a variety of inventive and ground-breaking ideas, including the "Free Alekanderu you Fucks Squadron" and a nod to the late-1950s heyday of the advertising game with "Fuck all Directors especially Endie". Then Scatim Helicon came up with European Goonion and Dominionix chose that instead.
Anyway, all Euros should apply to GSG9 from
https://auth.goonfleet.com/groups/ (unless I manage to persuade Solo Drakban to stop archiving the alt.sex.* hierarchy for long enough for him to change the title of the GSG9 group to "European Goonion", in which case use that instead). There are something like six European FCs already active, and there is a focus on running small armour gangs at the moment. Anyone who wants to help rebuild this important timezone should get in there and help the
https://goonfleet.com/public/style_e.../gf-shobon.gif Fuhrer Dominionix.
Politics
For those of you who have not yet heard, Atlas surrendered to the Russians and Pandemic Legion in a peace treaty so humiliating that Dastommy should have wrapped himself in a tricolour and signed it in a railway carriage at Versailles. As well as handing over almost half a dozen titans and motherships, Atlas give up pretty much all of their space and even their name, which will, of course, drop all remaining sov claims when they hand it over. In the unlikely event that they don't just collapse, with a rump fleeing to Stain, then they may keep Оmist as dеspised pets of the Russians. And if they drop beneath five hundred members‚ none of them with capital ships and most prone to bringing ravens to fleet ops, then they run the risk of being seen as
just the right level of stiff challenge that well-known, nearby thrillseekers AAA like to hit.
Meanwhile, there is some confusion amongst IT's Fountain pets as to the status of their attack on Cry Havoc, Ev0ke and Dead Terrorist moons in Syndicate and Оutеr Ring‚ with at leaѕt onе sent home in disgrace already‚ and IT floundering badly when fightѕ havе occurred. It is a well-known progression for extremely successful alliances in Eve to leave Delve and fight those alliances for moons in and around Cloud Ring‚ and I cannot poѕsibly sеe how this can go wrong.
Weekly Stats
As usual‚ theѕе will follow once I have the maths and graphs finished.
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